By Michelle Cottle
The 2024 political scene is ending where it began, with Donald Trump at center stage. No presidential contender has ever had a year like his: $350 million in court-ordered payments in a civil fraud case, $83.3 million in a defamation case, 34 felony convictions in a hush-money case, two assassination attempts and the biggie — 312 electoral votes. As usual, Trump was operating according to a different set of rules than everyone else.
That said, he was not the only standout in politics this year. Men, women, pets, memes, vibes — so much specialness to celebrate. No doubt you have your own list of bests, worsts and weirdests. Let’s see how they overlap with mine.
Most Vexing Dropout: Joe Biden
So much of the 2024 presidential contest was bound up in Biden’s decision to run for reelection and then drop out too late to help anyone. There is much blame to go around, but the bottom line is that Biden overstayed, poorly serving the nation and tarnishing his legacy — which included big wins such as digging America out of the pandemic, making infrastructure week real and getting 235 federal judges confirmed. Just something to ponder for other elected leaders who insist on clinging to office. Sometimes, age is more than a number.
Hottest King Maker: Joe Rogan
Betcha no Democratic candidate skips his bro-cast next election.
Most Ill-Fated Bromance: Donald Trump and Elon Musk
Which do we prefer: Elonald? Donelon? Whatevs. The world’s richest man is understandably giddy after buying himself a presidential BFF. But Musk is a richer, weirder, more entitled media magnet than even the president-elect. Place your bets on when Trump wearies of sharing the spotlight. Nobody puts Donnie in a corner.
Most Ill-Prepared: Kamala Harris
She wasn’t ready to lead Team Blue — a harsh reality that had little to do with having only a few months to adjust to being at the top of the ticket. Sorry, but doing your best doesn’t cut it in this job interview.
Biggest Flash in the Pan: Tim Walz
As Harris’s surprise vice presidential pick, the Minnesota governor’s happy Midwest-warrior shtick made the race fresh and fun for about 15 minutes. His contribution to the political lexicon — “weird!” — was spot on. And his piglet snuggling was next level. But did anyone seriously see him as a major player in the Democratic Party going forward?
Low-Key MVP: Susie Wiles
Trump’s campaign manager kept the ship on course through all kinds of insanity. The billion-dollar question now is: Can she work that magic as White House chief of staff?
Most Likely to Crash Prom Night: Matt Gaetz
I didn’t need a House ethics report to tell me that the guy is pure Florida swamp slime. That said, no way I’d miss the opportunity to note that the committee found “substantial evidence” that the ex-congressman “regularly paid women for engaging in sexual activity with him,” got busy with “a 17-year-old girl” in 2017 and possessed cocaine and other illegal substances on several occasions. (He has denied any wrongdoing.)
Most Likely to Have a Crummy New Year: Mike Johnson
Such a skinny House majority. Such a fractious Republican conference. Such a heavy-handed president with such a meddling sidekick. Before even taking power, the Trump-Musk administration turned the speaker’s bipartisan approach to government funding into a circus, with dozens of Republicans defying the MAGA king’s call to suspend the debt ceiling. Assuming Johnson keeps the gavel, the coming months promise to be even more … invigorating for him.
Wickedest Meme: JD Vance’s grandmother’s couch
If you know, you know. If you don’t, you can Google, because I cannot bring myself to explain.
Grossest-Yet-Catchiest Smear: “They’re eating the pets”
Like so much that comes out of Trump’s mouth, this lie about Haitian immigrants in Springfield, Ohio, was appalling. But it also resonated with some voters and kept the topic of migration front and center.
Most Tone-Deaf Campaign Mantra: “The politics of joy”
C’mon, folks, read the room.
Creepiest Election Metaphor: Tucker Carlson
His ranting about how a second Trump term would be like “Dad” coming home “pissed” and ready to spank a “bad girl” — no. Just, no.
Smoothest Communicator: Pete Buttigieg
The transportation secretary remained unmatched in his ability to genially explain complex policy concepts and ideological positions to hostile audiences, while dismembering misinformation and partisan attacks. #FoxWhisperer.
Most Unnerving Communicator: Katie Britt
Part Stepford wife, part Marilyn Monroe, part panicked hostage, the Alabama senator’s rebuttal to the 2024 State of the Union address was like a scene from the horror flick “Smile.”
Most Prophetic: Dean Phillips
The Minnesota congressman’s challenge to Biden for the Democratic nomination was beyond quixotic, but he wasn’t wrong about the urgency of the problem.
Best Positioned to Jump on the MAGA Train: Eric Adams
New York’s mayor has so many legal problems and has wrapped himself in such a thick, self-righteous cloak of political victimhood, it sure seems like he is gunning for a job with Team Trump. Game recognizes game.
Breakout Stars: Childless Cat Ladies
They launched a million memes and recruited Taylor Swift to the cause, even if they wound up being more hiss than claws.
Cringiest Wardrobe Malfunction: Hulk Hogan
Amid all the hoopla at the Republican National Convention, the wrestling legend ripping off his shirt was the mix of spectacle, kitsch, nostalgia and cheeseball machismo that perfectly captured the Trumpian vibes.
Most Likely to Be in Charge of Trump Fraternity Hazing: Pete Hegseth
Beware of men who casually mistreat women.
Most Likely to Be Hazed: Vivek Ramaswamy
DOGE or no DOGE, this guy is just so annoying.
Let’s end it there. Congratulations to all our 2024 winners. To the rest, best get an early start on distinguishing yourself in the coming year. It promises to be a humdinger.
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